Forgiveness,
often misunderstood in a variety of ways, is an extremely important element of
our relationship with Jesus. It was important enough that Jesus gave
forgiveness a prominent position in teaching the disciples how to pray. It is a
topic of much discussion between Jesus and His disciples, and between Jesus and
the Father, even from the cross. Obviously, it is an issue we need to see with
clarity and truth, one the enemy will use against us in accusation if it is
unresolved, and distort into an exchange economy, permission for sin, or worse
if we are not standing on solid ground.
Our starting point for understanding forgiveness is to understand completely in our hearts what all we have been forgiven. This statement is a version of “remove the log from your own eye before you try to pluck the splinter from your brother’s eye,” but is presented from the perspective of being forgiving because we have been forgiven much. The parable of the unmerciful servant illustrates this idea very clearly (Matthew 18: 21-35, NIV):
‘21Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?"
22Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.
23"Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. 24As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand talents was brought to him. 25Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt.
26"The servant fell on his knees before him. 'Be patient with me,' he begged, 'and I will pay back everything.' 27The servant's master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go.
28"But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii. He grabbed him and began to choke him. 'Pay back what you owe me!' he demanded.
29"His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, 'Be patient with me, and I will pay you back.'
30"But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. 31When the other servants saw what had happened, they were greatly distressed and went and told their master everything that had happened.
32"Then the master called the servant in. 'You wicked servant,' he said, 'I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. 33Shouldn't you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?' 34In anger his master turned him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed.
35"This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart."
We don’t necessarily like the ending of this story, but it is a warning from Jesus. Who are our “jailers”? I would say we are “bound” by our sins and the sins of others when we are unforgiving, so let’s say sins are jailers for us. Then in this parable, Jesus is warning us that we will be tortured by our sins and the sins of others until we can repay the debt owed – which, of course, we can never do, as is true for both the unmerciful servant and his fellow servant, since while in “jail” we cannot work off the debt. So what does this warning mean? Jesus is teaching us that when we do not forgive others, as we are already forgiven, we leave ourselves in bondage to the sins of the other person. This is an important idea, so let me repeat it: unforgiveness attaches us to the sin of the other person in such a way that we carry the burden (“tortured” by the “jailers”) of the other’s sin as if it is our own. It is a horrible burden to bear, to carry the weight of another’s sin. Forgiving others sets me free. I release the other into the hands of Jesus, and allow Him to deal with their sin. It is a question of who “owns” the problem of their sin: will I carry it, or do I allow them to own it and deal with it with Jesus?
You will notice in the parable that the original debt of the unmerciful servant was forgiven by the master completely as a gift of mercy, and the master was not involved in the transaction between the unmerciful servant and his fellow servant at all – until that fellow’s debt was called due and he was imprisoned. In the same way, forgiving sin against me is not something done between the sinner and me; it is something accomplished between God and me. The sinner is not involved in the transaction, because it is not the actions of the sinner that matter here in meriting forgiveness; it is instead the actions of Jesus that matter. See how in the parable the master is angered not because of the debt but because of the lack of mercy? He specifically mentions how he had mercy on the original servant. This is the case with us. Having received the greatness of the mercy of Jesus for all of our sins, do we truly understand the depth of His forgiveness if we are holding others accountable to pay for their debts to us? Can they pay those debts? In truth, Jesus is the only one Who can pay for those debts. In releasing those debts into Jesus’ hands, I am acknowledging this truth, and setting myself free from any bondage to the sin committed against me.
Another terrible distortion of forgiveness is the idea that forgiveness and reconciliation are the same thing. Scripture makes it clear that reconciliation of relationship requires repentance, and a working out or working through of issues between the two parties. Just before sharing the parable of the unmerciful servant, Jesus teaches this lesson on dealing with a brother who sins against you: “15"If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. 16But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that 'every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.' 17If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector.
18"I tell you the truth, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven.” (Matthew 18:15-18, NIV).
So we have two separate but related issues here: related from the standpoint of both issues starting with a sin against you, but one discussing reconciliation and the other discussing forgiveness; the two are not the same. In this Scripture, Jesus describes dealing with a problem face to face with a brother, and winning the brother over by sharing your feelings directly with him. Jesus then provides a process to walk through to reach reconciliation if reconciliation is possible. Following this lesson is when Peter asks how often a brother should be forgiven. As is often the case, Peter is making the same mistake we do – confusing the reconciliation process with forgiveness. Jesus tells the parable of the unmerciful servant to make it clear that forgiveness is accomplished not through relationship with the sinner or debtor, but through relationship with Jesus, while reconciliation is accomplished through interaction with the brother who sins against you.
One of the most damaging distortions of forgiveness is the belief that forgiveness is the same as acceptance or excusing a sin. In other words, we are led to believe that when we forgive we excuse the sin committed against us as acceptable. This is absolutely not the case and is a lie from the pit of hell. Jesus never stated that any sin was acceptable. In fact, He stated quite the opposite: “But if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a large millstone hung around his neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea” (Matthew 18:6). Imagine the pain in the heart of an abused child, if he or she believed in order to forgive his or her abuser, he or she must excuse the actions of abuse from the parent. This would be the same as saying the feelings of that child do not matter! Jesus would never say that. I have seen Him weep as He held a child being abused; weeping at the pain the child was suffering, weeping at the pain in the abuser, but emphatically not excusing the sin. Forgiveness is not the same thing as acceptance. Sin has no excuse. Forgiving a sin is handing that sin to Jesus, and letting His be the one to deal with the individual who sinned against you. The purpose is to set you free from their sin, not to excuse their sin against you.
Jesus’ forgiveness is simply the grace and mercy offered through the blood of Jesus, that He would pay our debt. As Paul asks, “1What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? 2By no means! We died to sin; how can we live in it any longer? 3Or don't you know that all of us who were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? 4We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life.
5If we have been united with him like this in his death, we will certainly also be united with him in his resurrection. 6For we know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body of sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin— 7because anyone who has died has been freed from sin.
8Now if we died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with him. 9For we know that since Christ was raised from the dead, he cannot die again; death no longer has mastery over him. 10The death he died, he died to sin once for all; but the life he lives, he lives to God.
11In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus.” (Romans 6:1-11, NIV).
Forgiveness sets us free from the sins of others against us, so that we can truly live the new life of freedom and peace offered – and paid for – by Jesus.
Our starting point for understanding forgiveness is to understand completely in our hearts what all we have been forgiven. This statement is a version of “remove the log from your own eye before you try to pluck the splinter from your brother’s eye,” but is presented from the perspective of being forgiving because we have been forgiven much. The parable of the unmerciful servant illustrates this idea very clearly (Matthew 18: 21-35, NIV):
‘21Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?"
22Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.
23"Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. 24As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand talents was brought to him. 25Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt.
26"The servant fell on his knees before him. 'Be patient with me,' he begged, 'and I will pay back everything.' 27The servant's master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go.
28"But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii. He grabbed him and began to choke him. 'Pay back what you owe me!' he demanded.
29"His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, 'Be patient with me, and I will pay you back.'
30"But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. 31When the other servants saw what had happened, they were greatly distressed and went and told their master everything that had happened.
32"Then the master called the servant in. 'You wicked servant,' he said, 'I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. 33Shouldn't you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?' 34In anger his master turned him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed.
35"This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart."
We don’t necessarily like the ending of this story, but it is a warning from Jesus. Who are our “jailers”? I would say we are “bound” by our sins and the sins of others when we are unforgiving, so let’s say sins are jailers for us. Then in this parable, Jesus is warning us that we will be tortured by our sins and the sins of others until we can repay the debt owed – which, of course, we can never do, as is true for both the unmerciful servant and his fellow servant, since while in “jail” we cannot work off the debt. So what does this warning mean? Jesus is teaching us that when we do not forgive others, as we are already forgiven, we leave ourselves in bondage to the sins of the other person. This is an important idea, so let me repeat it: unforgiveness attaches us to the sin of the other person in such a way that we carry the burden (“tortured” by the “jailers”) of the other’s sin as if it is our own. It is a horrible burden to bear, to carry the weight of another’s sin. Forgiving others sets me free. I release the other into the hands of Jesus, and allow Him to deal with their sin. It is a question of who “owns” the problem of their sin: will I carry it, or do I allow them to own it and deal with it with Jesus?
You will notice in the parable that the original debt of the unmerciful servant was forgiven by the master completely as a gift of mercy, and the master was not involved in the transaction between the unmerciful servant and his fellow servant at all – until that fellow’s debt was called due and he was imprisoned. In the same way, forgiving sin against me is not something done between the sinner and me; it is something accomplished between God and me. The sinner is not involved in the transaction, because it is not the actions of the sinner that matter here in meriting forgiveness; it is instead the actions of Jesus that matter. See how in the parable the master is angered not because of the debt but because of the lack of mercy? He specifically mentions how he had mercy on the original servant. This is the case with us. Having received the greatness of the mercy of Jesus for all of our sins, do we truly understand the depth of His forgiveness if we are holding others accountable to pay for their debts to us? Can they pay those debts? In truth, Jesus is the only one Who can pay for those debts. In releasing those debts into Jesus’ hands, I am acknowledging this truth, and setting myself free from any bondage to the sin committed against me.
Another terrible distortion of forgiveness is the idea that forgiveness and reconciliation are the same thing. Scripture makes it clear that reconciliation of relationship requires repentance, and a working out or working through of issues between the two parties. Just before sharing the parable of the unmerciful servant, Jesus teaches this lesson on dealing with a brother who sins against you: “15"If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. 16But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that 'every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.' 17If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector.
18"I tell you the truth, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven.” (Matthew 18:15-18, NIV).
So we have two separate but related issues here: related from the standpoint of both issues starting with a sin against you, but one discussing reconciliation and the other discussing forgiveness; the two are not the same. In this Scripture, Jesus describes dealing with a problem face to face with a brother, and winning the brother over by sharing your feelings directly with him. Jesus then provides a process to walk through to reach reconciliation if reconciliation is possible. Following this lesson is when Peter asks how often a brother should be forgiven. As is often the case, Peter is making the same mistake we do – confusing the reconciliation process with forgiveness. Jesus tells the parable of the unmerciful servant to make it clear that forgiveness is accomplished not through relationship with the sinner or debtor, but through relationship with Jesus, while reconciliation is accomplished through interaction with the brother who sins against you.
One of the most damaging distortions of forgiveness is the belief that forgiveness is the same as acceptance or excusing a sin. In other words, we are led to believe that when we forgive we excuse the sin committed against us as acceptable. This is absolutely not the case and is a lie from the pit of hell. Jesus never stated that any sin was acceptable. In fact, He stated quite the opposite: “But if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a large millstone hung around his neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea” (Matthew 18:6). Imagine the pain in the heart of an abused child, if he or she believed in order to forgive his or her abuser, he or she must excuse the actions of abuse from the parent. This would be the same as saying the feelings of that child do not matter! Jesus would never say that. I have seen Him weep as He held a child being abused; weeping at the pain the child was suffering, weeping at the pain in the abuser, but emphatically not excusing the sin. Forgiveness is not the same thing as acceptance. Sin has no excuse. Forgiving a sin is handing that sin to Jesus, and letting His be the one to deal with the individual who sinned against you. The purpose is to set you free from their sin, not to excuse their sin against you.
Jesus’ forgiveness is simply the grace and mercy offered through the blood of Jesus, that He would pay our debt. As Paul asks, “1What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? 2By no means! We died to sin; how can we live in it any longer? 3Or don't you know that all of us who were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? 4We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life.
5If we have been united with him like this in his death, we will certainly also be united with him in his resurrection. 6For we know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body of sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin— 7because anyone who has died has been freed from sin.
8Now if we died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with him. 9For we know that since Christ was raised from the dead, he cannot die again; death no longer has mastery over him. 10The death he died, he died to sin once for all; but the life he lives, he lives to God.
11In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus.” (Romans 6:1-11, NIV).
Forgiveness sets us free from the sins of others against us, so that we can truly live the new life of freedom and peace offered – and paid for – by Jesus.
