Culture of Inadequacy

According to Alfred Adler and Rudolph Dreikurs, and widely accepted in the majority of parenting materials, there are four goals to misbehavior in children: 1) attention; 2) power and control; 3) revenge; and, 4) display of inadequacy. I will not define the first three, as they are fairly self-explanatory and are not the focus of this writing. The final goal, display of inadequacy, does not refer to someone being unable to do something like accomplish tasks – that would be simply inadequacy. Display of inadequacy refers to the goal of demonstrating to others that you cannot do something in order to get others to rescue you or do it for you. It is feigned helplessness. Bill Cosby has a very funny routine where he talks about how husbands display inadequacy in the kitchen so their wives, in frustration, will let them go back to bed instead of cooking breakfast for the children. So obviously, more people than just children display inadequacy to get something they want. As you know, what makes humor funny is its mirroring of reality.

So why does this matter? This pattern of misbehavior is designed to avoid difficulties, to minimize effort expended, and to shift responsibility off of self and onto others. As mentioned in the previous discussion post, it is about taking the easy road. What does Paul have to say about this attitude? Here are just a few examples:

Acts 20: 34-35 34You yourselves know that these hands of mine have supplied my own needs and the needs of my companions. 35In everything I did, I showed you that by this kind of hard work we must help the weak, remembering the words the Lord Jesus himself said: 'It is more blessed to give than to receive.' "

Ephesians 4:28 28He who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with his own hands, that he may have something to share with those in need.

Colossians 3:23-24 23Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, 24since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.

I Thessalonians 4:11 Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business and to work with your hands, just as we told you.

2 Thessalonians 3:7-9 7For you yourselves know how you ought to follow our example. We were not idle when we were with you, 8nor did we eat anyone's food without paying for it. On the contrary, we worked night and day, laboring and toiling so that we would not be a burden to any of you. 9We did this, not because we do not have the right to such help, but in order to make ourselves a model for you to follow.

And what is the impact of taking an attitude of discipline and hard work? According to James:

James 1:4 Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

As I teach in college, and I observe both children and adults in my practice, I have noted an increase in a culture of inadequacy. Along with this trend, I have noticed a rejection of discipline and an avoidance of putting effort into anything, even things they claim they care about. The tendency is toward looking for ways to avoid work, quite opposed to what Paul taught. And as Scripture teaches, the consequence of this trend is a lack of maturity. When faced with adversity, more and more people throw up their hands and throw in the towel. Even at the first hint of difficulty, I have seen some students and clients begin to immediately bemoan their fate and claim total inadequacy rather than responding with discipline (remembering what it is they want) and increasing their effort toward achieving their goals. It is as if they believe it is better to quit than to risk and to give real effort.

Cody was widely known in the Tai Kwon Do community, both locally and nationally, for his perseverance. He won the national award for perseverance at the Junior Olympics in 2002. I have heard feedback from his teachers, his coaches, and from countless people who knew him and observed his life, that others marveled at his refusal to quit, his refusal to accept failure or to claim an inability to do anything, his refusal to give up or give in. The single, simple reason for this trait in Cody was his deep and intimate relationship with Jesus. Cody lived as he understood Jesus lived. His life reflected the attitude of Christ. In Paul’s writings, some of which are quoted above, this attitude is what we are all called to follow. With Jesus’ help, we are not inadequate to any task – “I can do everything through Christ Who gives me strength” is how Paul described this attitude. Cody embodied this attitude – and through prayer, so can we all. May we all take this teaching to heart – and express this attitude of Christ in our all that we do.